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Wearing $400 shoes & $26 in my bank account.
let them eat cake.
let them eat cake.
I just wish i could hurry up & figure myself out already. I'm too old for this indecisive bitch shit.
I can't wait for things to get warmer as I've practically been hibernating like a bear all winter. Theres so much shit I need to do to get back to my old self & old routines.
Shoot
why is it that I have to be slapped in the face with these realizations so many times before I finally get it? The first time the light bulb flicked on & I looked around & saw that I was the only one in the room I should have believed that I'm on my own. I'm such a colossal fuck up that if I suicide bombed myself underwater I'd one day become a coral reef. this hell is in between kansas & oz...
Today is a beautifully cold day that I can't even contain my excitement. I kind of just want to curl up under this monochromatic grey sky & watch the clouds sail over me. I could even die a little happier if you were with me. whispering clouds of sweet nothings for you only for them to dissipate into the atmosphere before you could hear them...
How comforting. Checking yourself into a hotel with your two favourite bitches, Ginny & Voddy. Comfort in accepting that your life is meaningless, but you go through the motions because that's how it is. My eyes are open & I astral project so that I can watch myself rot from the outside in. Room service & exponential blood alcohol levels. It's a lovely feeling, that.
.
.
where I dwell within chaos, there's a bass guitar playing all sorts of sad chords, its almost like a melodic heartbeat, reverberating in the dust of my existence. I want to miss what normal felt like, but I can't even muster up a distant memory of it. & this bass line is so soothing.
I keep seeing things crawling all over this place. crawling, slipping through my fingers. spots, dreams, insects, people.
i think of excess & destruction & youre the only thing on my mind. when we get high enough to shatter in a mil little pieces it cant be helped that pieces of you blend with pieces of me...
me & my study cast go back like babies on pacifiers. drugs work.
me & my study cast go back like babies on pacifiers. drugs work.
so whatever you do never ever put the gods out of your mind & take zinc on an empty stomach...
ebola & the black death mother fucking plague neatly wrapped & sent 1 way with a kiss to your abdominal region.
bang.
ebola & the black death mother fucking plague neatly wrapped & sent 1 way with a kiss to your abdominal region.
bang.
waking up in an unknown foreign city & never looking back is rapidly becoming a dream i cant afford to let fade into darkness.
me & my city, we got irreconcilable differences.
me & my city, we got irreconcilable differences.
i'm totally repeating tomorrow. especially if it means waking up with tanqueray & you. she makes me want to expel every organ in this fucked up body just so i can have space for her sickness. i'm so fucking shook that death has come in human form & i'm welcoming her.
it's not wise to abruptly quit therapy, but i've officially quit smoking.
good luck to moi.
good luck to moi.
i guess you kinda like the way it feels. addicted to a connubial collaboration of fear & loathing with an extramarital affair with unhealthy self medicating. tell it how it is, baby. do normal people choose illicit substances as a substitute for human affection? my nose feels numb + im feeling you slowly bleed through my heart.
"I would rather sit on a pumpkin & have it all to myself, than be crowded on a velvet cushion."
-Henry David Thoreau
three six five twenty four forward slash seven.
-Henry David Thoreau
three six five twenty four forward slash seven.
she's turning me into the most perverse being. all she has to do is exhale & I want to rip her skin off & fuck her bones to dust.
its abrasive. minimal gradual corrosion. inter-proximal cutting away so that you're left a peg instead of the person you once were. aint life grand.
so in a fit of rage i pulled a bracelet off my hand & broke it.
now that its useless i recognize how much i had loved it...
sort of like how i feel about my heart.
now that its useless i recognize how much i had loved it...
sort of like how i feel about my heart.
tonight i'm particularly numb,
they say cigarettes are like portable therapists & i just had my last session with freud on fresh hardwood floors
i like it how lights & xx chromosomes play tricks on me
when i tell myself that we could have it all
an empire of ashes, dust & ovaltine
they say cigarettes are like portable therapists & i just had my last session with freud on fresh hardwood floors
i like it how lights & xx chromosomes play tricks on me
when i tell myself that we could have it all
an empire of ashes, dust & ovaltine
emotional fucking masochist. Don't stop till you're veins are ripped out & dangling from your hands like string cheese. The realization of love no the realization of beingg in love with you has me so... on edge. Im not on a plane to paris.
